Escape to the country

Rosie and me

Rosie and I are visiting an old friend of mine, out in mountain country. She lives in a rambling, two-floor property, with lacquered pine floors and a covered veranda. The garden drops away below the house and ends in a wall of trees. The night sky is filled with stars – millions of them – staring down at us like tiny gods.

This is the first time I`ve slept in weeks. I mean really slept. I`ve had 10, 11,  even 12 hours of unbroken sleep per night. So has Rosie. Must be the mountain air. And the fact that Ben is locked away safely in detox.

The other day, my friend and her little girl took us out trekking. We wandered through wooded paths, negotiating mud, wobbly logs and startled frogs. Below us, the rapids foamed.

We were intrigued by the variety of fungus scalloping up trees or springing out from the undergrowth. Tiny bright green mushrooms stood up pert in the soil, made all the tinier by giant beige toadstools. And then there were the shiny carnelian and yellow mushrooms, catching the light and ornamenting the landscape like poppies.

Later that night I sat on my friend`s front porch, watching the stars and listening to the ubiquitous call of the crickets. Still later, she and I sat on the covered veranda, chatting by candlelight, calmly dissecting the conundrum that is Ben and me. In the end, the solutions we came up with were familiar. But the fact that they were said out loud makes them more real, more demanding of some kind of accountability.

Meanwhile, I have been emailing Ben, feeding him news of Rosie`s and my exploits. Once he enters rehab, there will be no e-contact. For 28 days, he will have no outside contact at all, aside from the occasional phone call. So, I suppose I shouldn`t have been surprised when I received an email yesterday in which he said that once he was off his meds, he would be allowed to go out for a few hours. He said he might go back to the flat to collect some things for rehab.

Within moments of reading that email, my calm was shattered, if temporarily. I guess I don`t have much energy left to put in to his recovery any more. I still managed to get about 8 hours of sleep. And while I am a bit worried, I can`t help feeling it is really out of my hands.

Outside the window – outside my friend`s home office – the crickets are still singing and the trees – firs and birches – fill the window. Beyond, the view is long and open.


9 thoughts on “Escape to the country

  1. So glad that you & Rosie are having a lovely time with your friend. You truly deserve it! There’s nothing like sleep and the beauty of nature to restore one’s soul. Good for you for realizing and trying to feel that whatever your husband does is out of your hands. May you continue to have more great days while visiting family and friends in Canada.

    “And if tonight my soul may find her peace
    in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
    and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
    then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.”
    ~D.H. Lawrence

  2. You write beautifully, even though the subject matter is tinged with sadness.
    I am so glad that you and Rosie are getting lots of rest and sleep, sleep is a great healer and when one is rested and refreshed, lifes challenges seems a bit more easy to handle and can be approached with so much more clarity.

    It is good that you are making the most of this time spent in such lovely surrounds, my wish for you both is that this time spent in nature will be healing and rejuvenating.

    Take care,

  3. Lots of sleep at night and being outdoors in beautiful surroundings are so great for anyone, and so is spending time with close friends and family. You sound so much calmer now than you were a few weeks ago, so this oh-so-necessary holiday is obviously doing you a world of good! Enjoy!

    • You’re right, pinklea. I’m a different person out here. I should have mentioned all the food I’ve been consuming as well. Sleep, eat, walk, run. That has been the essential rhythm of my days since I got here.

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