On Monday, I was interviewed for an internal post. As you all know, the roles in my team were made redundant earlier this month as part of an organisational re-structure. And as part of that exercise, all of us had to go through the ignominy of re-applying for our posts. Many of my colleagues took the redundancy package instead.
My package is comparatively small, so I opted for re-deployment, and on Monday, found myself sitting before a panel of three, two of whom know me well enough, and I gave an adrenaline-soaked performance that left me shivering and high by the end. I wasn’t me. I was whoever they wanted me to be – and I performed that part as accurately and deftly as I could (thanks, in part, to Ben, who took over Rosie and gave me the time to prep for the interview). Apparently, I’m a good actor, because today I was informed that I got the job.
I said I’d think about it.
I’ve got another interview in a few days’ time – for a post in the Far East. It’s one of those dream opportunities, but it’s only for a year, and ends with redundancy. This one – the one I’ve just been offered – is permanent and based in London. Which one would you go for?
I probably won’t get the other job, so I expect all this speculation will come to nothing. I don’t think I would give up the possibility of a permanent job in this economic climate for a one-year fantasy… or would I? Really, what would you do?
And now the worst of it. There were three posts and three of us going for them (three of us at the same job grade and therefore with equal rights to the posts). Another person applied as well, but that person was a grade lower and could not be appointed unless those with rights to the post were found unappointable.
A few hours after I found out I’d got the job, I found that a dear colleague did not. I have been agitated ever since. I can’t understand why she wasn’t appointed. She is fiercely bright, kind, generous – a lovely person on all fronts. But for some unfathomable reason, our managers have taken against her.
And so I have spent the last few hours railing against the injustice of this act, and wondering how she is, worrying for her mental health. Because she is not well, and has been suffering from stress, and has been struggling under the burden of knowing that something isn’t quite right.
To be faced with the truth of one’s unpopularity – because that is what it is – how does one overcome that? I am outraged on her behalf, and so bitterly disappointed that the expected outcome is the actual one, that my own success in this race is tainted – poisoned, even.
What should I do? What would you do in my place?