Waking up

Wake up, the sun gushes in, put on your shoes, and step out and up. (c) Married to an Alcoholic

Wake up, the sun gushes in, put on your shoes, and step out and up. (c) Married to an Alcoholic

I’m not sure how it all began. Maybe it was a slow brew thing. Maybe it started with music. Something rousing, nostalgic, threading a line back to that person I was. The one that tried and failed and tried again.

Or maybe I’m just in a manic phase. I’m not a manic depressive (at least, I don’t think I am), but I know I go through very clear phases of action and lethargy. Right now, I’m buzzing and desperate to keep a grip on this mania, because when the dip comes, I’ll be back in the dark, paralysed by uncertainty and pessimism.

Whatever the catalyst, I’ve finally woken up from that protracted slugishness that has kept me in a full body hug for the last several months. I’ve had the flat painted (well, parts of it). I’m looking for a gardener to sort out the mess behind the house. I’ve been weeding out old toys, clothes, books. And I’ve been cleaning (the amount of dust and grime that can collect on a Venetian blind is embarrassingly copious).

All this effort has a purpose. I’m preparing to sell my flat. After more than 10 years living in it, it’s time to move on. It’s also the only way I can make a proper break from Ben.

Today I travelled a good 30 miles outside London to view a couple of houses. One was dire, the other delightful. Right now it’s all a bit of window shopping. But not for long.

When I wrote some weeks back that change was coming, I don’t think I honestly believed myself. Seems even I can surprise myself sometimes.



5 thoughts on “Waking up

  1. Sometimes “moving on” literally means moving on (and out)! I am excited to hear about this new phase in your journey. Sounds like you’re moving forward in many ways.

    Love and light,

    • Thanks, Paul. Yes, indeed! It’s time to go. Finding a new place is going to be difficult. The property market here is fierce. People sell their homes in the space of a few hours. But there are so few homes and so many people clamouring for them. Not an easy decision, but we’ve outgrown our tiny space. Moving on…

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