Every second

So, that great wave has broken against the rocks and sprawled its way across the sand. The wild thing in me, washed away. Way back along the shore, there’s me, watching these crazy thoughts splinter in the sunshine. 

That electric week, in which I accused the sun of perfidy, has dissipated. It’s fair to say, I fell off my own shoes. I flew, body surfed, dove into mercury.

I was sure it was real.

I was sure it was in my head.

I thought there was something.

I decided there was nothing.

I trusted my instinct.

I mistrusted it.

I ignored him.

He spoke to me.

I spoke to him.

He ignored me.

I embarrassed myself.

I got angry.

He spoke to me.

I smiled.

He smiled.

We’re both smiling. There’s nothing more to it than that. And each smile is counted out in seconds. And every second is savoured for what it is and nothing more. What more there is, is in my head.

Does this make me sad? Not really. The truth is, I’m in love. Not with him, no, but with this feeling – this hapless feeling.

I’m alive.

Thank all the gods that ever were and will be.

I’m alive.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Every second

  1. You’re laughing. You’re smiling. Congratulations you’re a loving, thinking, feeling human being who’s taking it all in. Savoring this thing we call life. Let the warmth of the summer sun shine on your smiling face and enjoy…enjoy life!

  2. Pingback: Break | married to an alcoholic

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